Covidating

Log in on Tinder – again! For the fifth time since the pandemic started.

“Hey, Miss London, up to much next Wednesday?”

Oh my God. It’s him. He replied after ten fucking days. I should’ve said no, probably. But obviously, I didn’t. And here I am heartbroken again.

I guess everyone has to go through those painful experiences that come from acting like an idiot for someone who doesn’t give a damn about them. Those experiences are supposed to teach us to recognise red flags quicker next time. And if they don’t, well we just have to repeat the lesson until we finally get it.

So, let me introduce you to my personal hall of fame.

There’s Phil – the busy guy who’s impossible to reach, but who can reach you whenever he wants. Until, surprise! He’s bored of you.

Then we have Josh – the clingy one who thinks you’re his girlfriend after the first date.

Now, meet my lovely Luke – the guy whose main mission is to steal your knickers.

And if you still haven’t had enough, there’s always that classic:
“Hey, babe, you sexy, wanna hook up tonight?”

And just when you think maybe, just maybe, this one will be different, your phone buzzes with the message every modern dater dreads:

“I’m sorry, but we’ll have to postpone our potential meeting to an undefined time period.”

And the joke’s on you. Again.

But hey, to end on a positive note, it’s not all bad. Sometimes you get a free coffee. In the best cases, dinner. And in the best ones, genuinely great sex.

Yes, having sex is alright. Having a one-night stand is alright. Everything is alright as long as you give consent and genuinely enjoy whatever you’re doing.

So, my dear readers, go out there and live your life. Date as much as you want. Dance. Sing. Travel the world. And smash it.