If you find yourself a little bit idiotic as me you will also know the following situation. A few months ago I was in a toxic relationship where everything was wrong in the first place. As I am growing up I find out I can’t always blame the other side just because they didn’t treat me right. They treat me exactly the same way as I allowed them. Our low self-esteem often leads us to this inconvenient reality. Soon or later you will hit a rock bottom and you will do everything possible to escape. The way you find your way out more likely defines your future relationship, specifically your relationship with yourself.
And I did it wrong many many times. The same mistake all over again and again. I run straight away into the arms of another toxic man. He made me feel special. He let me though we had a connection and spark that he was the ONE love of my life, Mr. Big, Ross for Rachel, or even Jerry for his Holly (PS I love you). As time passing by this Mr. Big disappears, ghost you, or whatever you can think of. I am not gonna lie this rejection lead me into a hoe phase where I was breaking hearts as he broke mine. Frankly, I didn’t give a damn about the people I slept with. Love me? Great! Let me break your heart into 1000 pieces. Don`t love me? You will one day….everyone does eventually. As you can see I was the live definition of the word toxic.
Two months ago I was sick of myself and my let’s say my lifestyle… I felt that this way didn’t lead anyway, that I was just wasting my time and energy. Some people may say I grew up to become the adult I was supposed to be years ago for god’s sake. But I just found my inner peace, I started to love being alone. Now I am taking myself on a date quite regularly. Dine out. A trip into nature visiting a museum on my own – no problem at all. Until one day Mr. Big reaches out again. `Hey baby how’s it going I am not gonna lie I definitely had a minor heart attack. But you know what girl? The best thing you can do is just let it go. Don`t answer that dumb message. You don’t need him in your life again -trust me.
I hope it’s pretty obvious I replied to that message regardless of what my brain/friends were telling me. Nor that I answer the message I even met him. That’s right my dumb ass did that. But frankly, the fact that I went to meet him despite all common sense was quite a good decision. I found out that Mr. Perfect is just another freak. Yeah, my brain put him into the pedestal like he was some kind of demigod. I created a whole story (as you know my inner world is quite big) a whole new human and romanticized him just to find out he is not worth it at all. That he is just a crumb and I deserve a whole damn cake (Women don’t owe you pretty).
